Hipster Pulmonologist Replaces Pulmonary Toilet With Pulmonary Bidet



Disclaimer: This post is from GomerBlog, a satirical site about healthcare.

A Pittsburgh-area critical care fellow said he will "never go back to traditional pulmonary toileting" after trying pulmonary bidet.

As he excitedly and repeatedly told his co-residents, pulmonary bidet provides better postural drainage and increased mucociliary clearance. He shared photos of this novel protocol at sign out, whispering, "It's an explosive new way to clear mucus plugs."

Critics of the method were quick to point out that pulmonary bidet outperformed pulmonary toileting only in patients with ironic French mustaches, thick-rimmed glasses, and $7 oat-milk lattes. There was no evidence of benefit in patients without an extensive knowledge of Jean-Paul Sartre and cuffed jeans.

Ob/gyn residents were thrilled to hear pulmonary bidet was finally making a splash outside the women's hospital. "We've been saying it for years -- pulmonary bidet beats toilet every time," said one. "And please, for the love of God, stop pulmonary douching."

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